I cheated on Doyle. I am a wandering eye too. A huge flirt. I want attention. Enough where I feel “high”. But the irony is I like commitment more than a fling. But I also like to be adored. And bottom line I think it all stems from all the abuse neglect abandonment and sexual trauma all my and never having a full understanding of it. When I read about Josh I sort of laugh. Even though it’s not at all funny to do that to your wife. But I laugh because I feel exactly like I get Josh and he and I are one same pea in a pod. I’ve told you I suspect he’s the blonde boy in my dream and he knows I’m right. But regardless. I get me. How I got all fucked up in my mind like the female version of a man who was once a little boy now he’s this giant sex symbol. I don’t want to analyze Josh however I do get him. And I get me. How I married Doyle. How that was a dream I wanted but it wasn’t the right way of going about it. Doyle and I could fuck like rabbits. I’m likely to assume that Josh and Fergie did too. And there’s a lot about Doyle I could call home. But it was the wrong address for me. I was at the wrong house even though I could get cozy. But it seemed I could get cozy any where I found cozy. 🤷🏼♀️I woke up from a drunk stupor and wanted a home with someone I knew was the only cozy for me. And if not. Then I’m not going in and out other homes just to “feel” cozy from time to time. Because that is not right to children.
I just want something different in our community. I am not asking to change anyone or make others hop on my way of doing things, but I really want to grow as a humanity. It appears we have lost a lot of touch with the divine and the holy. And I personally think that connection makes a better world for our children. And I think if we discussed all the influencing factors that separates and divides us as a Family and we instead began securing our confidence trust and supporting one another more we’d find more of Eden back. I don’t want my son being confused on sex with a stripper versus devotion to a wife. I don’t want him to learn this shit the wrong way. I’m sure by now Josh can look at Axl and know with out a doubt that he’d rather find a wife he won’t hurt then one he does by fucking around in her. I just know a good mom and dad who loves their kid would want the best for them. They’d never want their child to suffer. I don’t get why it’s so hard for me to ask us all just to help me vibe our kids a better life and future. It’s all I am asking to help me and be honest with me. Because your children look up to me and they know I have the key to their best future.
Thanks. ❤️