I read today that there are men out there that want to put a woman's heart back for her. That has to be the most beautiful concept I could ever think of. That good guys love their girl that much. It's enough to keep me praying and hoping I can do what I can to piece myself back and regain the fun loving me I truly am. And maybe have a hand again to hold.
I love you all. You brave souls putting in all of your efforts to get better and help others too. Your kindness doesn't get lost. I assure you that. It's hard sometimes to know what to do. Sunday on my son's birthday I wasn't even sure if I'd see him. Even though legally I'm supposed too. And then at the very last minute he said he'd see me for breakfast. I told him I was not prepared for what to eat and we'd figure it out. Well then again at the last minute the time changed. Our breakfast plans became just a quick hello because he was going to have lunch with my sister now and his cousins. Mom pushed out of the picture again. Sick mom who everyone has shipped off. If I had cancer would you all treat me differently? I often wonder.
I do not belittle any illness. It's just the mentally sick are treated like trash. For the most part we are. Even though before I got sick I was treated like trash too. Yet I know I must believe my beautiful soul is anything but trash. Not when my heart loves so much despite how truly broken it is.
Today is the 19th anniversary of a beautiful princess who died too young. A kind caring giving woman from everything I have read. Yet whenever I see her photos I can just tell she was all those things. Not to mention the legacies she left behind in her children and now grandchildren. I have the utmost respect for the Royal family and I see all that Diana's sons are doing. Especially that young handsome Prince Harry. I think about how he was the same age as my son when he lost his Mum. Because in many ways my son seems to have lost me. Of course I can not compare knowing that these princes will never get their Mother back. And I pray for them and I pray for me. That my son will one day see all that I am doing to be his Mum and stay alive. In case he ever wants to come back to me.
It feels like people want me dead. And it's not in my head. Some people truly want to hurt you for being open and a voice for abuse. I must tell my story. Because either way I suffer. The more I share with others the more chances we have of figuring out solutions. Everyone deserves to be loved and to share their love. Can those that don't feel this way still be good people?!? It's always the constant theme of my breakdowns. Forgiving those that hurt me. Because I don't want you to hurt me any more. I don't want you hurt. I don't know. I'm just really really sad.
Praying for better days. For those that have been dealing with loss and grief, I send you a warm felt hug. I got your back. ❤️