I have spent a lot of time trying to recover. I hear God all the time telling me what to do. How to trust. In him. It is so hard. I feel like everyone I encounter will be there one day and the next, I don't know. It is like what I told my old therapist. She knows. That I can not poof people back in my life the ones I want or wish to have love me. I can't. I try to love them. All the time. I constantly go over and over why am I so upset with them. Some times I forget. And others it comes right back.
One of the processes the program tells you to do is to face your dark periods. Write them down. Share them. And then make amends, if you can. I always try to say I am sorry. Though I am not sure who to trust with my amends. You know. Who's innocent in this big picture? I think, that's the story of my life. Right? Or most of our lives. We have all been through pain. We have lost a parent. We have lost our innocence. We have cried and we have really felt raw pain. I know I have. Tremendously. It hurts. I try to embrace it the best way I know how. It is so hard.
I am tried. I took a day off because so much is flooding back to me. Memory by memory. Who has come in my life and how has left. Who has stayed. And how touched my heart all the way. In. This part I know. For certain. I know. And I promised myself now I will really try to know. To hopefully work though with myself what it is I need to know to keep myself safe and protected from any more harm. I deserve a peaceful life. I have said this before. I deserve to be happy. We all do.
This is short and sweet today. You know. I am exhausted.
Thanks for reading my blog. For loving me and being part of my journey. I like to say, who's with me. I am all for the journey of peace love happiness and acceptance. To make what is wrong right.
Forever, Tina