The other thing is to any readers or people out there with mental illnesses or someone they love with them I too appreciate your allowing me to showcase every angle of this said madness. Like my last post about the keys. Because there's is something about what I'm doing here. And maybe to some it's not inspiring but annoying. Or boring. Or crazy insane not relaxing too high too low. And I just say. Don't read. This IS my illness. And my sharing it is my goal to show all the ranges of my symptoms authentically and how I survive them WITHOUT meds. Because for me my long term goal is to heal with out them. I want to prove it can happen. The only way is to prove it. Because in my heart I believe that if I can work through all these angles and ranges then I can know them and manage them in new ways. New coping methods. The best one currently is documenting them and learning from them.
The other piece of all this "boom" is recognising where I feel safe. How people respond to me now that I know who I am. How my illness impacts me. And how I am in public. Because I'm very sick. Whether I am happy and sick is one thing. But I'm sick. I'm not getting better. Again I can be happy and have healthy feelings during a given day. Yet I am bipolar. I'm not getting rid of this. I hope I can live a very long time with it and I plan to change the world by it. So when I find people who support me and not look at me like a freak it's so freaking awesome. Because for me I love the mentally insane. I see us as the saviours of the world. Because we have undoubtedly survived the world.
So its really cool when people get that. That they don't judge me and my illness and try to understand it. They don't discrimate agasint me. When I have a "rant" they figure out why. When I have conspiracy theories they understand what is really happening. And when they see photos of my beautiful new love interest all over this place I'm staying they don't laugh. They don't say his name is HARRY. When I tell them I think he's great. I'd like to take him home forever and break off that engagement they laugh and say why don't you call him? I'm just like. How cool is that. You know? If I can break this mentality that my dreams are mine and that I'm not really going to break up anyone's marriage or stalk a celebrity or love some far fetched dream...then I'm making a dent in his world to finding the kind of humans I believe God intended us to be. And that's the kind to lift you up. Not tear you down. No matter how crazy you look. Because you all know. You all know that I'm not unimportant like you want to pretend I am. You wouldn't put so much effort into this mission you've been on. Which is why every chance I get I am going to make sure my mission is clear. And that is when there's a will there's a way.