I can promise you all this, I’m committed to my country. And I only operate with honest people. So everyone better have their real intentions and be who they say they are as of right now. ❤️🇺🇸✝️🌈
For all I know when I was a preschool teacher at Epiphany Lutheran I might have been the inky honest teacher there. Who would know if someone is pinching a child or not. But I know. Who was. After I stopped working there xxxx told me she did that. Is that burning a bridge? No. It is not. I have my own problems and I talk about them. I want to know why you all don’t. Why do you tell me you pinched a child. Was it a lie? A confession? Did you? And what the hell am I supposed to do with that information. Why do you tell me these things but then blame me for not wanting that information. Because I should have reported her to the police. But Once again I am constantly in a position protecting your crimes because you’re going to punish me when I report you. So. To this person who pinched a child bit had your husband lie for you and say I claimed he raped me... you’re going to talk. You will talk about what you know. You either confess it for yourself or I will put it in a file for an agent I know who will report it and what and who you know relating to Miami Florida. 🇺🇸This person claimed she knew a Jason from MD so get ready all to find out her background check and her daughters will know all the facts. Because I am sick of you all who chose to do cocaine be a strip dancer lie to me and hurt people with your lies but make me out the problem. It’s very serious that you all take this serious. This isn’t my doing. And it will be fixed only in truth.
I can promise you all this, I’m committed to my country. And I only operate with honest people. So everyone better have their real intentions and be who they say they are as of right now. ❤️🇺🇸✝️🌈 I have had many hopeless moments. Times where I didn’t know how I’d find my path. I think those moments are unnecessary. Are coerced. And very plotted. Like Chad at a helping hand said predators will always be after you. But I refuse to allow them. I ask every day to please stop hurting me. It’s abuse. To mind game me is rotten. It should not be difficult at all for me to find a happy life. Doyle has one. Harry has one. All of you do! You all fucked up too. Josh cheated. I cheated. We all made a mess. But I refuse and I mean this Matthew M, I refuse to be made a victim over and over because I was raped and I speak out about it. You don’t like it. Then why did you rape me? So have your confederate flag my brother. But you best tie it to your right arm if you love it more than me.
Only truth and integrity will be allowed through my door. And I theirs. I’m not allowing any of us to be conned by a liar cheater or fraud. They can do themselves in but they won’t come near any of us who pledge the allegiance to our flag. 🇺🇸I’m an amazing American. I do really great stuff to support freedom independence and recovery. Please know that from this moment on my faith and trust is with GRACE. And this is that we do not cheat lie or steal to injure anyone. So I know that whatever team I’m on is the good breathing team. Not an evil dead one. Amen. ❤️
When you see me all you need to know is that I’m my number 1 fan. I’m my own best friend. I’m my own mom. My own sister. My own lover. I have no one. And you all know that. No one who has a good heart would want to hurt me. The only enemies I have are rapists. 🤷🏼♀️Fine by me. I hate anyone who rapes. So do good people. If you pretend to be a good person but you raped me in 1986 or strangled me or took my son, nothing I do or don’t say can keep that truth from coming out. 🤷🏼♀️Keep messing with my head or pushing me around by bullying me only further proves you’re a rapist. In my opinion there are AWESOME and NOT LAME people who will love me with a big heart because they know I’m sweeter than any donut. They know I don’t do anything but want to support people who are ready for a better world which honestly is an honest world. There is still illness. Miscarriages. Divorce. Break ups. Death. Bad hair day’s. But when you throw hot tea on someone ... even by fucking with their support system ... the truth still makes it all better.
You all. I’m not dying like Princess Diana. I’m not. I’m not giving up on finding a job. I’m not giving up on faith and grace. Just am not going to do it. I’m here for our kids to know that bullies are evil conniving and relentless. They want us to fail because they hate themselves. 🤷🏼♀️They want us to think there’s no hope. No light. Nothing for us. Why anyone might hate me that much sounds so silly. So I’m counting on Meghan Markle and Jessica Mulroney not knowing me. In fact it’s to their best interest they don’t. Because knowing me and pretending you don’t and using funds to intimidate me bully me and possibly injure my grandmother as a result could label anyone of you as a terrorist against our country. I can surmise now what a 44 is. I know that it is a person who wants to break families apart. Take my son. Kill out dog. Run me out of town. Illegally evict me. Have Diana get in an accident. Don’t tell me it’s a conspiracy when Chris WATTS killed his own pregnant wife and 2 girls all to break his vow. He murdered his family. 🤷🏼♀️Not me. I asked for a divorce. I asked for friendship with Doyle. I asked for forgiveness with Doyle. I asked that of all of you. I want only what’s best for me and my son. I want to be awesome and actually lame but in awesome way. 🤷🏼♀️I mean I could probably wake and bake a dozen donuts on my own and an XL coffee so if that sort of lame is ok then there you go. I am having my way. Do you know what it is? The end of bullies and suicide. Yay!!🌈✝️❤️🇺🇸🥳♾eat that assholes because the rest of us ARE moving forward. Amen. I am a woman who prefers to analyze a situation and try to figure it out. And I keep harping on this one story. That all the world’s problem are a result of one moment in history where Eve ate an apple and ruined everything. This is one story that I have never been able to swallow since I first heard it. An apple? She ate an apple? I was born with DNA. I was born with a footprint mapped out in my veins of a life I was meant to live. God knew I’d be raped. He knew it. It was all written in the stars despite he wanted to believe this when given the moment with GRACE that man would stop. Stop what he was doing and turn his life to Jesus. This is the act of free will. 🍎🍏God knew that even though a man didn’t love me or want me he’d still take my virginity even though he prayed for a man that he’d stop. It’s kind of sad then to think God still sent me again here to put me up on the block or what you might call a pedestal only to have my body raped again by the plagued man. But I love Papa. So much. It was me that begged him. Me!!!! I begged him papa he won’t do it again. I promise. I know he won’t. He won’t. I promise. Please. Let me forgive this A MAN. Isn’t that sad. That I love him so much but a man doesn’t love me. I love him enough to come back and see him better & with a son and family of his own. This will be a test he passes! Oh I believed it so very much. Even though I’m blamed for being raped and you all call it eating an apple I still want to love when it’s me you like to hate.
Sometimes I can’t take it. And I want to shrink and go back to my sacred rest and say GOD!!!!! You were right. These men are not ever going to get better. Why bother!!! But here’s my answer. You had a son. You had a daughter. You had a son and daughter. And you had many sons. And you had baby daughters. Do they deserve me to leave them because you can’t accept Grace and truth??? And what happens after A MAN raped me 1986 is I was raped again. Then again. And again. By men who knew they never loved me and never would but faked it so they could hurt me Rape me strangle me kill my babies and take my only son as a means to punish me for loving them and giving Grace. But even that they mind game me by the words Doyle said to me I don’t need you praying for me! So Doyle I tried to grant you that wish. But all I want to do is pray for us all. Doyle you chose Jimmy Shannon and my rapists over me. You chose to abandon me with out trying to understand why I’m so sick. You sided with everyone but me and took my son. So now you get Epstein and all the rapists. And I pray for you that you can turn them all in for God. That is you ultimate test Doyle. To see if you can protect our sons and daughters from the man who raped me 1986 and all the other men and women who destroy the sanctity of marriage. I pray for you Doyle that you can do it. Because in Jesus name all eyes are now on you brother Doyle and if you are capable willing and able to serve God and find my rapists. Doyle has to decide if he’s with God or not today. And he will have an exact moment where he knows to decide. Amen. I was just about asleep last night when I woke up up to a fire engine speeding in. Scared the crap out of me. I guess all is ok because they came. Then they left. There was some cursing and screaming for a few moments after they took off. But then all was quiet. I only write all this as to try to cope along with you in a world that often times now I am not sure where I am safely able to fit in happily. It’s so bizarre to think we have this giant world full of so many people but it’s full of so much going on I don’t know how to know if people take life seriously and do they care about each other or just have no human connections anymore. What do you all think? Maybe I have too much time to observe it all now. I know that I get caught up a lot seeing all of your lives because I honestly have little going on because I don’t have any connections. I am still confident I did the right thing getting sober. And divorced. And often for me that’s the felling I feel most is that my quiet single life along side a very sober living makes me isolated from the majority of the population. I don’t have any personal relationships with sober minded single parents who are looking for a world full of boring days with God. I pray every single day that’s Josh Duhamel ... But he’s got more drama than everyone I know. A 26 year old girlfriend. An ex wife that I’m honestly not sure wants Josh to have a meaningful relationship with soul mate like me. I mean it’s not her choice. Splitting a ♾ into a 44 and keeping 2 people apart is impossible to God however people make so much damn drama and problems because they aren’t healthy. I’m not sure if I’m right but I think this awful sec cult is called 44. It’s intentions are to purposely seduce men or women away from their intended vow. Maybe consciously maybe with a list they have stored in their secret society. Who knows. I personally believe there are people who thrive on wrecking families and tearing people apart because they actually feel they are the ones who have no one in a vow. Something I write about in a poem regarding long ago when there was a Masquerade great ball to see if you knew your partner with out seeing his face. Now they just placed the masks on our mouth. And I just tell God, I don’t want my lover in a world filled with so much hate. ❤️
Either God fixes that or not. But I’m not fighting for a man. 🤷🏼♀️I will love Jason forever. He is my existence and the reason I am sober and happy with that choice. I love you Jason. It is a beautiful love. It is a sacred divine love to me. And though it hurts every day to miss him I realize that is why it’s so perfect and pure. It has no strings attached. I wish him always happiness. His son is my ultimate wish. My prayer. My entire reasons to always choose love over hate. I have nothing but happiness and joy when I think of Jason. And the only sadness fear anger that come with that love are because of the addiction he is inflicted with. And I know because of it we may never be friends or in each other’s lives. And I would rather him stay alive and never see him again if my love for him is too much. It’s giant how much I love that jerk off 🥰but if it’s going to be too confusing between us then I just love him from here. I will never let go of him. He’s in my heart because my Papa placed him there. I saw his soul. Oh my GOD!!! What a sight. I literally saw his soul return to him under a tree in the sun on the grass in a chair. Adam saw it too. He said to me Mom. Look at Jason! I know. Adam knows. Jason knows. Jacob knows. God knows. The world can know of it likes. But all I care is that Jesus gave my beautiful Jason his life. ✝️ I know how difficult it is to want to be happy for others when your own life is so sad. I often talk a big talk about Jason and that I’m fine with him and another woman. There will always be envy of any woman who’d lie with a man you thought was your soul mate. Maybe Doyle thinks that about me. I have almost died a few times thinking of Jason fucking some woman. Going down on her. Being there with her. Oh my GOD it’s literally stabbed my heart. But I feel he’s not my man. That he’s my original brother. All the way back from the Garden. The 2 of us forbidden but forever blessed. What a curse!! To not even know what a brother is and to fall in love with him like a man. But if he’s not mine the only blessing is that I love him like a brother. And that’s what I live with every day with all the men I shared my bed with. If you’re not my man why aren’t you being my brother? Is that what’s wrong with you all? You can’t be as strong as me and forgive and accept that we aren’t a vow in sanctity but we are on the vine? For me the more I accept Jason happy with another woman the more I love him then am angry. It’s not easy but it’s what I want. A family. So when Betty says I chose to be alone I laugh my ass off. Poor Betty. How many men would be content to snuggle up with me in bed. I mean honestly where’d Betty be if she didn’t have Bernie. 🤣Poor Betty. Betty’s biggest problem from my understanding is a regret. I hope I am wrong but she’s so bitter. The only thing I’m mad about is being raped by a brother April 1986. And then by a Jimmy December 1986. What a shit year. My poor 15 year old self. I’m bitter most because these 2 evil men don’t own it. But if they did then I could love them. But I refuse to love anyone who’s intent in hating me. I will eventually recover from all this once I have worked through it with the power of my loving God. It’s just that I’m only now understanding it. Took me 34 years to get to this beautiful sober place and so I’m just not interested in childish drama not to mention we have a lot sickness in our world and I can’t have a man who’s not healthy. No matter how much I love him. So it’s only up to him what he’s willing to fight for. I gave my devotion to God. It’s enough for me if no one can match my purity. Because that’s what will most protect our sons and daughters. What honestly should be the reality is that I’m texting Christopher and saying how is Grandma? But this is what happens when people lie and tear families apart. They can no longer rely on each other. And if the tabloids are true then same goes for William & Harry. They won’t be able to hold on to one another if something happens because now there’s a wedge between them for only reasons they know. This is what I don’t want for my son. And why I walked away. Better for Adam to have a healthy mom who’s sober and all his cousins and aunts uncles grandparents and step family then me making him be only with me. I’m used to being left alone. I would never do that to my kid. ❤️
I wish I had my cousin helping me. And all my family. But they are not. And my grandma is sick. And I love her. And I’m dealing with all this so isolated and banished by my family because I will not betray GOD!!!!!!! I won’t do it for humans who spit at Jesus. I won’t. And even if Meghan Markle is the nastiest women who ever lived I would still never want anyone saying she threw hot tea on someone if she didn’t. So I am asking the Supreme Court to unseal all what has been covered up for this marriage and what is the truth. I can’t have any more pay outs because people are spoiled rich and rotten and can assault people and pay to have their crimes unpunished. I don’t care what you all have to do but God is getting the truth. He will have the truth. If Meghan really did this and paid the person in OZ a pat Out to keep quiet then all I want is the damn truth! We don’t need a person who would traumatize someone into submission by money and fear of being bullied. Was Meghan Markle trained by her sorority to haze people and became a natural hazing leader and nominated after graduation for otter secret societies That benefit from Being anonymous women? A right of passage of who can be good at hazing and who can’t? Essentially determining who’s the crybaby like princess Diana and who the Warriors like Madame Ghislaine. Which are you Megan Markel a sweetheart like Tina DeGuzman aura behind the scene’s which who pushes people to the edge... I mean with all the millions you have now Meghan Markle you’d be the perfect candidate to hire a very aggressive German Nazi team to try to destroy me and other good people who are survivors of rape. So let me ask the lady Diana which is Meghan Markle a good person or an evil mean girl? And anyone who thinks that they are lucky to be mean you haven’t met lady Diana. ❤️I am the sweetest woman you’ll ever meet but I do you have a boundary and that is you don’t ever cross it to bully me or my son or anyone that I love and I asked all the entire universe to identify anyone who would ever try to hurt me or any good person. So Megan Markel did you throw hot tea on someone or did you not please let the Supreme Court know as if your right hand is on the Bible right now. Oh and a shout out to Diane DeGuzman Pyle do you think Megan Markel threw hot tea on someone? I pray Meghan Markle is a good person. Then her and Harry have my blessings. 🇺🇸 Terrorism is obvious. We should have zero problems identifying terrorists because they do not act alone. This is why I have very few friends. Because I don’t want to get caught up in people’s group mentality that we all think a like. I am sad that we have terrorists at all. All I want are good men. I don’t want anyone who’d ever want to bully me or you into feeling helpless. You all know I’m helpless all the time because I never have support. If I did I would never have been homeless. I asked my church for help. Even gave them my gold bracelet. And here’s the thing everyone if you don’t want to help that’s ok. But please for the love of GOD do not say you want to help me but secretly have an agenda to hurt me or other Americans. This is why I’m so sad. Because on 9/11/2001 good American friends neighbors children family ... boarded planes and went to work. Thinking that we could trust a pilot. But some many people failed us that awful day and allowed terrorists to get on that plane and into the cock pit. We wonder why or how on earth that was possible right ?? Because certain Americans think they are above the law. And can lose important emails. Or destroy them. You all hate the KKK? Me too!! But I also hate the idea that anyone in a powerful position can fake records just like those pilots did that day!! These Al-Qaeda pilots to me are no worse than a grandfather called AL-Hayden pretending he loves me and having sex with me and I’m only 4 years old!!! And so I’m telling you all that if you’re “anonymous” in a terrorist group acting as if you are a doctor nurse therapist preschool teacher social worker friend boyfriend ... but support bullying me intimidating me terrorizing me and getting me into serious mental illness because I live in fear of your ugly hatred of me, then you are a criminal!! You don’t stand for family. Who calls themself a police officer but works under cover in the KKK? And then says I’m going to slaughter black people? We all want certain people dead in our life. We all wanted Bin Laden dead. Right? But he wanted us dead too. But he also knew that there are Americans who take bribes and Bin Laden knew exactly who to bribe. So if your a cop or a maintenance guy on the tarmac at JFK and you took a bribe then that says you let Bin Laden have a full pass. And I can promise you all that would never be ever. 🇺🇸❤️But damn have you all treated me worse than Bin Laden simply for trying to keep terrorists out of our country. And I’m ashamed to know most of you. Not kidding. You all care more about sex than your duty to protect our kids. 😡
I am so sad. I can’t help it. Talking about my being raped all the time and no happy relationships in my life is very heart breaking. I miss my kid. I hate most of the people I know because they took my pure joy from me. I will never get that back. Seeing my son for the first time in a tux? Getting to drive. I was robbed. Robbed by terrorists who said that he care but instead threw an AR15 in my face. No wonder I am so sick all the time. I am not meant for violence. My heart is so pure. I need to know if Antifa is supposed to be using my name Tina in it. I want the filth in our country destroyed. I have zero tolerance for terrorism. Even if it’s a former person who said he was an American but went on Lolita. So. Brothers. Why do they have sex with their sister? Because they are Amish? Because she’s right there and no one protects her because they assume she’s safe with her brothers. Then when they do rape her. Get her pregnant they don’t have to pay for their crime. It’s a sad state right. Because as a girl I know how much I would look up to a brother. But I wouldn’t want him raping and hurting me. What do you all think makes a brother hurt a sister? It has broken my heart. I have a memory from Charlotte. Where I learned how to make my hair have wings like Cheryl Tiegs. I recall the entire memory. I was going to my neighbors to sleep over. It might have been my very first sleep over. I might have been 7 or 8? And then I recall her brothers and a bunch of friends shoving me under a bed and I blanked out. Was this real? What happened to me. If men are so hell bent on fucking me why do they pretend that they didn’t. Why am I not getting support on this. Do you really think it’s ok for us girls half your size to rape us? But men get hurt too. By their dads. And it’s a really bad ordeal of incest we have going on. It’s why I’m so serious about not getting into bed with a man until I have some answers on how I can survive these predators who are not giving up hurting us because they believe they aren’t accountable.
Tomorrow I have 3 appointments. 10 am with a phone call about my updates with North Carolina Department of Vocational Rehab. Her name is Jess. Then I have a 1pm with Megan at Cape Fear Vocational Services. Then at 3pm I’m meeting with Carol from Costal South Eastern and I just want to mage sure no one is going to try to use my weakness of being trusting to their advantage. Especially a brother who raped me. He gets caught right now in Lincoln Nebraska. You guys... do you believe that dreams can some times be real? How powerful is our subconscious? If I dreamed it does it have any chance I also lived it? Can 2 people be dreaming the exact same dream and have actually met in some matrix portal of our mind? If we can dream about someone we love through fate and eternal vows would it mean we actually have a sacred meeting place to keep our love surviving if we have not met yet or have met in another life? I would love love love to know what you think. But I must believe the answer already as I have known it in my heart. And that is love is the most magical miracle that exist in our creation. We are built on it. It is miraculous. And I do believe in fate. And I do believe in a vow. And I do believe that 2 people who are bound and tied together by sacred predestined love can travel time. To keep the love alive. That soul mates always stay connected in realms that exist only ever sealed and protected by God. But so many people have broken in to this channel. This sacred portal. Intentionally they have gone in to a realm that’s only ever supposed to be entered naturally and subconsciously. I have dreamed of a dream man for so long. So very long. I knew his face in 3 ways. Jason. Harry. Josh. I don’t know why but that’s how it is. Why prove it. What does it matter. If my dream man loves me then he loves me with out hurting me intentionally in real life. And that’s the ultimate test of my soul mate. So. Who’s dreaming about me? Because I have dreamed of Josh Jason and Harry. But Harry is the closest one who I have dreamed of naked. I know every inch of his body in reality as if I actually laid naked with him every day of my life. So why is that??? Why do I feel Harry is my forever man when he chose a women so different than me.
My water is back on but why did the water company just show up. Why not advise the “palace” ahead of time. Why do I flip about about something before I know what is actually going on. Do you all believe I am clairvoyant? Do you all believe I am the beloved? Because that’s what I was told by someone at an AA meeting. She said they call you the beloved. Which fine by me. I should be. I have a huge heart of gold and I love Jesus so fucking much. I won’t die for Jesus. I LIVE for Jesus. I live for him for his message of love. And I don’t want to die until I’m old and my son Adam knows that I don’t want any man. I don’t want any thing at all but what he and I set out to do and that is bring our entire big human family back together. I love my son more than anyone in existence. And I can do this even if he never sees me again. I will love my boy with all I got by sticking to God’s promises. I could talk about GOD all day long. But I refuse your evil. And if in some place and time Harry and I did promise our love to each other but he wanted something naughty and bossy and mean, then I know that’s not me and I can live all alone! But I don’t want anyone who didn’t want me getting in the way of my life. I love JOSH. Don’t care if he doesn’t want me either. I will live. I love Jason and I will never ever stop. But I want Jason to be happy. He deserves to have love and the best relationship with his son. So don’t ever have plans to let a man make me feel like I can’t be happy on my own. But I know I am better as a wife. But you know what, a husband can’t have done cocaine. And if he did he’d have to never do it again and promise God that he is clean. Otherwise I have no interest in a man who doesn’t love himself enough to honor God and his kids above all else. I want my civil and human rights to my health information. I asked for that call log. So why was I ignored Coastal Horizons?? When I say this is the highest priority of our nation to get that call log at the Rape Crisis Center, I mean it. God asks only once. If you are a crisis center and you ignore my requests and the therapist hung up on me 4 times.... that speaks volumes about your lack of professionalism and I pray the call was recorded by home lmd Secrity. Because I have a very sad gut instinct that they did something against the ethics of our community. Please prove me wrong. But either way ignoring me will also prove them guilty of ignoring a patient. |
AuthorHi, I am Tina. I am a Divorced Mother of one son. I am a recovering addict. I am Bipolar and had a severe psychosis breakdown this year. I blog every day. I love Art and creating Art and I hope to inspire others through my writing and the things going with rebuilding my life. Please feel free to leave a comment. I hope to change the world by letting you see what myself and other brave survivors are like! Archives
April 2023
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