These sort of people in our lives are extraordinary. I have found a lot of comfort when people share of these sorts of stories about people that sheltered them through a tough time. We all need these people. Because storms are scary and they are hard and when you have someone willing to give you resting place for awhile while you get through them, it's pretty amazing. My ex told me that basically I was really hard to love and that he really did love me. I do believe him. I know it's true that I have been a lot to burden for most people since I left my childhood home. It's so challenging to describe the complete insecurity one feels when they have been neglected during their formative years. I was always considered desperate clingy irrational insecure and difficult to love. When in reality I was willing to love with all I had. Isn't it sad? Abuse is so completely tragic. All of it.
Its imade me so sensitive to everything. I react to everything about a million times more intensely than most. Often this is a downfall of mine too. I'm too sensitive. And this is another important factor why I left my husband. I knew I would never be different. Getting sober I found who I really wanted to be. And that was this overly sensitive girl/woman. I will only ever be her. And once I gathered that I was only right this way I knew that I could no longer continue asking my ex husband to shelter her. He needed something else. And I needed something else. I wanted him to have what I believe he found. Someone who accepts what he gives and appreciates it. Not that I never appreciated what he has done for me but I needed something very very different. I needed a bridge that is almost impossible for anyone to give me. My past has made this almost impossible to be conceived.
But for a period of time I felt this bridge. It was beautiful. Extraordinary and breathtaking. I started to believe it was real. I still do. Everyone deserves this. Even the people who hurt me. Because maybe just maybe under this bridge in that dry spot for a moment, a silver lining could produce a positive change. That something good could come about from a moment of love and comfort during a tough time. A place to reform and accept something better. That's what this bridge did for me. And it's tough being alone on this Friday night again. But I must make my bridge. I have God and my dog and for this moment a place to find comfort. To pray. To give gratitude. And hope that I can continue to recover from so much. Thanks dearest Lord for my bridges. 🌈